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Title 39
A new addition to Chemistry's Periodic Table
Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element
yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv),
has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons,
and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an
atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities
lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has
no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected,
because it impedes every action with which it comes into
A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that
would normally take less than a second to take from four
days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal
half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over
time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to
become neutrons, forming isodopes.
 This characteristic of
moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is
referred to as critical morass.  When catalyzed with money,
Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that
radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has
half as many peons but twice as
 many morons